Changing Prep Schools Too Many Times

Posted on March 6, 2024 by Mike

Too many families these days make the mistake of changing prep schools (and colleges) for the wrong reasons and/or too many times. These emails are part of an exchange between me and a parent who contacted me looking for advice on having his child change prep schools. This same parent opted not to hire me a year ago when the child last switched schools. This is the child’s third school in four years (one public, one parochial, one prep (he reclassed)) and they want to switch to a fourth school for his final year. His younger brother also currently attends the same school and they would like the two to stay together.

Kyle,
I tend to look at a much bigger picture than most families and others involved in the process. In your case, I think Michael should stay at his current prep school. After 3 schools in 4 years, it’s pretty clear the problem isn’t the schools, it’s Michael, you and his mom. You are the common denominator. If your goal is to best position yourselves for the future, the best thing you can do right now is to stick it out for once. That will start to try to reverse the bad foundation you’ve laid and the bad habit you’re all in of picking the wrong school and/or leaving when things get tough. (As it stands now, you’re likely to keep doing the same thing when he gets to college.) I think the best plan for everyone is to stay where he is and hire me now to help you with the college process. That’s the big picture.

If you want to just look at the smaller picture and decide you definitely want to change schools, I have a couple that I think are exactly what you’re looking for. I said yesterday that you can’t afford to make another mistake, but there’s another way to look at it that’s probably more accurate or at least more realistic. At this point, from a basketball standpoint, you have nothing to lose. You know you’re not going to get the basketball you want at his current school next year and you’ve already been to 3 schools so one more isn’t going to make much of a difference. If you want to, you can definitely put him in a better overall basketball situation for his last year. This will put him in the best position to be recruited and ready to play at the college level.

I know that ideally, Sam would move to the same school as Michael. The schools I have in mind could both accommodate and be good matches for Sam as well.

Mike

Dad’s response:

Mike,

I appreciate you keeping it real. Kris and I both deep down felt the right move is to stick it out at his current school. Michael loves the school, academics are great, etc.

Kris and I plan to have a call with his AD and coach and express our concerns, give them a chance. You are right, Michael needs to stick it out and us supporting his habit of when it gets tough roll out needs to stop.

Quote of the Day – Prep School Search Help from Club Team?

Posted on March 2, 2022 by Mike

His AAU organization said they would help us find a prep school. I told my son that the organization doesn’t necessarily have his best interests at heart like his mom and I do. They will do what is best for them. Even if they find you a school, and even if it’s free, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be the right/best place or a good education. We’re hiring you because we’re trusting you to do what’s best for us.

This from a dad whose son has a realistic chance to be a scholarship athlete and is part of the most powerful AAU program in the region.

Quote of the day: Thank You

Posted on January 13, 2022 by Mike

Mike,

Thank you again for everything. I would never have approached NBPS if you hadn’t recommended them….and you kept me calm when I thought I was going to lose my mind LOL. Keep in touch…

Lucy xx

This from the mother of an 8th grader who needed to transfer mid-year from one prep school to another. Despite having sent all 3 of her kids to different boarding schools, she didn’t know where to find what she was looking for, so she contacted me.

Leadership Critiques – New Head of School

Posted on September 10, 2021 by Mike

How do you know when you might have hired the wrong person as your new head of school? When the new HOS doesn’t know the answer and can’t guess within 80% or $800,000,000 the size of the largest prep school endowments in the country.

This conversation took place when several senior coaches/administrators at a prep school were having one of their initial conversations with the new head of school regarding financial aid, athletic recruitment, school resources etc. One coach/administrator asked the new HOS if he knew the size of the endowment at Exeter. Those that knew the correct answer were shocked at the inaccuracy of his guess.

Quote of the Day: Last Minute Opportunity Reactions

Posted on August 10, 2021 by Mike

Trey is so excited about the possibility. I’m totally freaking out as this becomes closer to a reality. Dad is being stoic, but will crumble soon.

This from a mom whose child had barely thought about prep school two weeks ago and now appears to be leaving for prep school in just a couple weeks. If that’s not enough, his older sister is leaving in three weeks for her freshman year of college. Suddenly mom and dad are going from three at home to one.

Email of the Day: Playing Time = Final School Choice?

Posted on March 5, 2021 by Mike

There is a lot packed into these emails, much of it high-level thinking. While there are some flaws, there’s plenty to be learned and absorbed.

The athlete, a junior quarterback, writes a difficult email (that many, less mature, athletes would simply avoid) in an honest and heartfelt way. The coach’s response is exemplary, first-class, the kind you’d hope for from the adult coaching your child.

Coach Brown,

I don’t really have an easy way to say this. However, after deep prayerful consideration and a lot of soul searching, I have decided that (another school) is going to be my top choice. While I haven’t heard officially from either school, I pride myself on being a person of integrity and I wanted to let you know as soon as I made my choice so that you had time to get a QB as soon as possible.

Up until the last day or two, I was 100% set on your school. It has kind of been a whirlwind, but for some reason there was something off in my reaction yesterday when I got off the phone with you. My reaction made me realize that something was not right in the back of my mind. I guess I felt stressed because even though you have been completely transparent and amazing, I realized that I don’t want to go into another situation where I would be competing for a position. While it might seem strange to others, and even though I feel confident about having the skills to win the position, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that that was having a much bigger impact on me than I realized. I think that is only based upon my experiences in the past few years and it kind of stuck with me. The other, bigger reason, is that even though my parents kept asking if I would be okay with the distance, it sort of hit me about my level of support network that I have up here in Pennsylvania/ New Jersey. My immediate family and extended family are extremely tight. The more I prayed on it and thought on it I realized that being an hour or so away is much better for me than being five hours away. The impact of not being able to see my family, coaches and friends for an extended period of time did not worry me as much until the past couple of days. What I can’t figure out is why it didn’t truly hit me until after I got off the phone with you. I guess my gut was telling me something that I wasn’t ready to process until now.
I truly apologize from the bottom of my heart for making your job more difficult. Recruiting is a really rough process for all parties involved – especially when everyone has to base everything on waiting for admissions. (Your school) is extremely impressive from top to bottom. While I know I would thrive in either place, I think for me and my mindset, I will be better off closer to my family. Again, I am sorry for making the decision so late and I truly apologize. I will 100% be following you guys and praying for your entire school for the coming years. My family and I have the utmost respect for you and while I am sad that I will not be coached by you, I do feel at peace with my decision. It has been such a pleasure to have met you and have come in contact with such an amazing school. Being able to even talk to you as little as I have, has made an amazing impact on me and my entire family. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I am truly forever grateful.

Sincerely,

Peter

Hello Peter,

Thanks for the email. If you think school (the other school) is best for your academics, then you should go there. What you should not allow to happen is the presence of other players at your position making you decide to go to that school.

First, you will always have players at your position. In college, every year, the college coach is going to try to bring in someone to beat you out. You have to be mentally tough enough and confident enough in yourself to fight through competition. If your confidence is battered by what happened at your previous school, then this can be the place you rebuild that belief in yourself. The competition will only make you better. You cannot run from competition–you need to embrace it. This is part of growing up. Second, I have made it very clear what I think of your skill set vs. the guys who are here. While I could never tell a player a starting position is his, I will always be honest about my appraisal, which I have been with you. I cannot have it get out that I guaranteed you would beat out the guys who are here. I can say with confidence that I think you will. Even with that, I have to be careful to be respectful of the guys who are in our program right now. If they heard I was “trashing” them, I would lose all credibility with those players.

I encourage you to rethink through this process. I cannot speak to what you experienced at your previous school, but I have been very clear with you every step of the way where we were and how we would handle you. (My school) has the full package for you. All the boys are far from home and bond together in a very supportive brotherhood. I think you would love it and thrive here. Don’t let the fact that we have a couple guys at your position scare you away from the school you were sold on for so long. I fear you have a case of “buyer’s remorse.” It is only natural to get a little case of cold feet when making a commitment like this. You were sold on (my school) for a long time based on very good reasons and sound judgement. You are now changing your mind to (the other school) at the last second for reasons much less sound. Please take another night and think this over.

I would love to get on the phone with you today. If you are not comfortable with this, I understand. My number is ( ).

Thanks,

Coach Brown

Email of the Day: Help Finding a School

Posted on February 28, 2021 by Mike

“I have been going through your website this morning, reading many of the emails, and responses, included at the bottom of the site.
I can only say that I wish I had found your site prior to my son applying to prep schools this year. The process of finding the correct school, and navigating the entire process, is not an easy one – particularly for those who have no experience.
We are currently awaiting decisions on March 10th, having applied to four schools.
Although I didn’t find your site in time, I hope that I can still benefit from it.”

This email is from a parent who happened to find my site after going through the application process on his own. The thoughts he shares offer a helpful perspective to many families who may apply to prep schools in the future.

Prep School Sports Connection

Matching Athletes With Prep Schools

Author Archives: Mike