I don’t know how much the financial aid form said we can pay. My son filled it out.
This from a dad who wants $50,000 of financial aid for schools that cost $55,000 per year, but who let his 17 year old son fill out the financial aid forms. They applied to five different prep schools. They can’t understand why the boy wasn’t accepted at any of the five, and they’re upset.
I’m in the basement with the door closed so my wife won’t hear our conversation.
This from a father who’s also a pastor at a small church. He didn’t want his wife to hear that he and his 14 year old son are exploring sending the boy to prep school a long way from home.
These days it’s much more common than it used to be to find kids changing schools multiple times during their high school years. It’s something of an epidemic. I think it’s consistent with the overall mentality of immediate satisfaction in our society today, and it’s not good.
Here’s an email I wrote to some parents whose child must be close to some kind of record for number of schools attended (6 in 3 states), especially for a very good student.
Ron,
For 30 years I’ve guided families through the prep school and college process. It’s my full time job. I get paid to do it. I help families in similar situations every year, and my guidance almost always pays for itself. In your case, I wish I could help, but I can’t.
I’ve watched the highlight videos and I’ve been doing some homework on your situation. The pieces are coming together.
You and your wife are friendly, highly educated people. I’ve always enjoyed the conversations you and I have had, but you completely lost your sense of reality on this topic a long time ago. On my website, there’s a section of blogs entitled “Otherwise likeable, intelligent people”. You’ve made the list. If it’s accurate (or even close) that your son has attended six different schools in three different states since he started high school, that’s a huge red flag. It’s so bad in so many ways, I almost don’t know where to start, but here’s where it ends. I’m going to tell you what you don’t want to hear. You’re a problem parent, and that’s holding your son back more than anything else in this equation.
Your son has scholarship level athleticism (although he doesn’t play the game that well). It’s realistic to think he could get a D2 or NAIA offer, and he still might. However, if his academic profile is as you described (3.4 GPA, 1700+ SAT), the much better choice, the smarter choice, is a very good D3 school (a UAA, a NESCAC or similar school) for the next four years. He’d get a great education, have a great basketball experience, and, finally, get some stability.
Given your history, I expect you will choose a JuCo for a year or two, then yet another school after that. I said at the beginning I’d like to help, but I can’t. I’d have to tell college coaches about your son’s history and that they’re asking for trouble if they take him (although they almost assuredly would know it without me telling them). They’d ask me why. I’d tell them the parents are a big problem. Then they’d ask me why I bothered contacting them in the first place, and they’d be right.
Sorry for being blunt. I’ll call you later to discuss.
Thanks.
Mike
I’m not sure where I’d be without (prep school). (Mine) offered me what no other school in the country could offer: great academics, great football, great culture and great recruitment.
This from a football player who had just signed with Clemson, talking about his decision to leave a top parochial school for prep school.
Before attending prep school, he was getting FCS recruitment. Within three months of his transfer he had his choice of offers from the best FBS schools in the country.
The transfer rate for women’s D1 basketball is up 33% over a ten year period.
In 2003 the rate was 6.8%. In 2013 it was 9.2%. Those numbers are still about 1/4 of the men’s numbers. As with many other parts of the game, the women’s game seems to be following the men’s.
Perhaps most interesting is that 6 of the top 10 rated girls in the 2013 recruiting class have transferred. A number of those 6 committed to colleges as sophomores (also similar to the boys) and some say they now realize that what they considered a dream school as high school sophomores is much different than where they want to be playing as 20 year olds. This is a pretty strong case that kids (and parents) are picking a college at too young an age.
Question: What % of all men’s basketball players who enter Division I directly out of high school depart their initial school by the end of their sophomore year?
Answer: 40%
Here’s the link to the complete article on the NCAA website.
http://www.ncaa.org/about/resources/research/tracking-transfer-division-i-men-s-basketball
He’s a deadly combination of arrogance and insecurity.
A comment about the relatively new director of admission and financial aid at a well known prep school made by another person in the field. The school has seen a precipitous drop in the academic quality of incoming students under the new director, who is also single-handedly scuttling what was a top prep school athletic program. He dismisses any input from, or meaningful communication with, others at the school who want to fix the problem, telling them he’s the only one who could possibly understand what’s going on. A classic example of the Wizard of Oz mentality.
There is a relatively small group of what many would consider top level prep school boys’ basketball programs, and a number of well known and successful coaches. Comparing programs and coaches is not easy, as each school has different academic and financial parameters. Athletic and academic success at the college level would seem to be one obvious measure. Still, the facts below are likely a surprise to most people, even many of those who are paying close attention.
Question: Which prep school in the last 15 years has had all-league men’s basketball players in the Ivy League (more than any other prep school?), Patriot League (including defensive player of the year), Colonial Athletic Association (two time all-league and academic all-league) and MEAC (including player of the year and HBCU player of the year), as well as a first team D2 all-American, Ivy League rookie of the year and NESCAC rookie of the year?
Answer: The Hun School of Princeton, under coach Jon Stone
I think you should treat kids like grown-ups. I think you should expect them to be mature and to behave, and I think that’s what it means to treat someone like a grown-up, although….It’s not about the abdication of authority.
…it’s common now in this country to find … the parent functions as educational consultant. The parent makes a recommendation, but the child makes the final decision. I know of cases where the kid was clearly making the wrong decision and the parents knew it but nevertheless felt completely powerless to overrule their child. The child is the one who suffers.
Dr. Leonard Sax, speaking about his new book The Collapse of Parenting and about where today’s parents are making mistakes.
As a college freshman, Michael Wright made an immediate impact on the football team. He became a starter after only one game before getting hurt and missing most of the season. In his second year, he picked up right where he left off. Not only is he starting as a redshirt freshman, he’s far and away the team’s best receiver. No one else is even close.
Most would say this is great and that in deciding on his current university he made the right choice. After all, he’s having the kind of success that every athlete and parent hopes for, but few ever find. He’s a star who’s going to have a great career. Everyone’s happy and excited. On the surface, it’s hard to argue with that. Let’s take a closer look.
Despite seemingly obvious talent, Michael had few options coming out of HS. Playing in a small town with limited exposure and support, not many colleges showed interest. At that point, prep school was an option. In the spring of his senior year, he finally received a partial offer from one of the lowest D1 FCS teams. Ready to take it, he then received a full offer from a decent FCS program. Once he got those offers, his interest in prep school ended. He took the second scholarship offer, saying it was a great opportunity. On the surface, it was hard to argue with that. This kid from a difficult background was going to play D1 ball while getting a free education. Isn’t that the goal?
Prep school would have been a dramatically better choice. Here’s why:
This is not second-guessing. This has nothing to do with the success he’s found at college. These were the options, and this was all discussed, from the start. The success he’s had only reinforces the point.
Some families would have taken the prep school option. Why didn’t Michael’s? Perhaps they didn’t listen to the right people. Or maybe, contrary to what he said, he just didn’t believe enough in himself and his talent.
It’s not that they made a bad decision, it’s that there was a much better one. He and his family could have had so much more. They had an asset, an investment, that they failed to get the most out of. All parents want their child to develop as fully as possible. The Wrights missed an opportunity to do this. They also missed out on tangible benefits. It’s pretty easy to make the case that Michael’s lifetime earnings will be dramatically lower than they would have been if he’d opted for prep school.