Changing Prep Schools Too Many Times

Posted on March 6, 2024 by Mike

Too many families these days make the mistake of changing prep schools (and colleges) for the wrong reasons and/or too many times. These emails are part of an exchange between me and a parent who contacted me looking for advice on having his child change prep schools. This same parent opted not to hire me a year ago when the child last switched schools. This is the child’s third school in four years (one public, one parochial, one prep (he reclassed)) and they want to switch to a fourth school for his final year. His younger brother also currently attends the same school and they would like the two to stay together.

Kyle,
I tend to look at a much bigger picture than most families and others involved in the process. In your case, I think Michael should stay at his current prep school. After 3 schools in 4 years, it’s pretty clear the problem isn’t the schools, it’s Michael, you and his mom. You are the common denominator. If your goal is to best position yourselves for the future, the best thing you can do right now is to stick it out for once. That will start to try to reverse the bad foundation you’ve laid and the bad habit you’re all in of picking the wrong school and/or leaving when things get tough. (As it stands now, you’re likely to keep doing the same thing when he gets to college.) I think the best plan for everyone is to stay where he is and hire me now to help you with the college process. That’s the big picture.

If you want to just look at the smaller picture and decide you definitely want to change schools, I have a couple that I think are exactly what you’re looking for. I said yesterday that you can’t afford to make another mistake, but there’s another way to look at it that’s probably more accurate or at least more realistic. At this point, from a basketball standpoint, you have nothing to lose. You know you’re not going to get the basketball you want at his current school next year and you’ve already been to 3 schools so one more isn’t going to make much of a difference. If you want to, you can definitely put him in a better overall basketball situation for his last year. This will put him in the best position to be recruited and ready to play at the college level.

I know that ideally, Sam would move to the same school as Michael. The schools I have in mind could both accommodate and be good matches for Sam as well.

Mike

Dad’s response:

Mike,

I appreciate you keeping it real. Kris and I both deep down felt the right move is to stick it out at his current school. Michael loves the school, academics are great, etc.

Kris and I plan to have a call with his AD and coach and express our concerns, give them a chance. You are right, Michael needs to stick it out and us supporting his habit of when it gets tough roll out needs to stop.

Email of the Day: Playing Time = Final School Choice?

Posted on March 5, 2021 by Mike

There is a lot packed into these emails, much of it high-level thinking. While there are some flaws, there’s plenty to be learned and absorbed.

The athlete, a junior quarterback, writes a difficult email (that many, less mature, athletes would simply avoid) in an honest and heartfelt way. The coach’s response is exemplary, first-class, the kind you’d hope for from the adult coaching your child.

Coach Brown,

I don’t really have an easy way to say this. However, after deep prayerful consideration and a lot of soul searching, I have decided that (another school) is going to be my top choice. While I haven’t heard officially from either school, I pride myself on being a person of integrity and I wanted to let you know as soon as I made my choice so that you had time to get a QB as soon as possible.

Up until the last day or two, I was 100% set on your school. It has kind of been a whirlwind, but for some reason there was something off in my reaction yesterday when I got off the phone with you. My reaction made me realize that something was not right in the back of my mind. I guess I felt stressed because even though you have been completely transparent and amazing, I realized that I don’t want to go into another situation where I would be competing for a position. While it might seem strange to others, and even though I feel confident about having the skills to win the position, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that that was having a much bigger impact on me than I realized. I think that is only based upon my experiences in the past few years and it kind of stuck with me. The other, bigger reason, is that even though my parents kept asking if I would be okay with the distance, it sort of hit me about my level of support network that I have up here in Pennsylvania/ New Jersey. My immediate family and extended family are extremely tight. The more I prayed on it and thought on it I realized that being an hour or so away is much better for me than being five hours away. The impact of not being able to see my family, coaches and friends for an extended period of time did not worry me as much until the past couple of days. What I can’t figure out is why it didn’t truly hit me until after I got off the phone with you. I guess my gut was telling me something that I wasn’t ready to process until now.
I truly apologize from the bottom of my heart for making your job more difficult. Recruiting is a really rough process for all parties involved – especially when everyone has to base everything on waiting for admissions. (Your school) is extremely impressive from top to bottom. While I know I would thrive in either place, I think for me and my mindset, I will be better off closer to my family. Again, I am sorry for making the decision so late and I truly apologize. I will 100% be following you guys and praying for your entire school for the coming years. My family and I have the utmost respect for you and while I am sad that I will not be coached by you, I do feel at peace with my decision. It has been such a pleasure to have met you and have come in contact with such an amazing school. Being able to even talk to you as little as I have, has made an amazing impact on me and my entire family. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I am truly forever grateful.

Sincerely,

Peter

Hello Peter,

Thanks for the email. If you think school (the other school) is best for your academics, then you should go there. What you should not allow to happen is the presence of other players at your position making you decide to go to that school.

First, you will always have players at your position. In college, every year, the college coach is going to try to bring in someone to beat you out. You have to be mentally tough enough and confident enough in yourself to fight through competition. If your confidence is battered by what happened at your previous school, then this can be the place you rebuild that belief in yourself. The competition will only make you better. You cannot run from competition–you need to embrace it. This is part of growing up. Second, I have made it very clear what I think of your skill set vs. the guys who are here. While I could never tell a player a starting position is his, I will always be honest about my appraisal, which I have been with you. I cannot have it get out that I guaranteed you would beat out the guys who are here. I can say with confidence that I think you will. Even with that, I have to be careful to be respectful of the guys who are in our program right now. If they heard I was “trashing” them, I would lose all credibility with those players.

I encourage you to rethink through this process. I cannot speak to what you experienced at your previous school, but I have been very clear with you every step of the way where we were and how we would handle you. (My school) has the full package for you. All the boys are far from home and bond together in a very supportive brotherhood. I think you would love it and thrive here. Don’t let the fact that we have a couple guys at your position scare you away from the school you were sold on for so long. I fear you have a case of “buyer’s remorse.” It is only natural to get a little case of cold feet when making a commitment like this. You were sold on (my school) for a long time based on very good reasons and sound judgement. You are now changing your mind to (the other school) at the last second for reasons much less sound. Please take another night and think this over.

I would love to get on the phone with you today. If you are not comfortable with this, I understand. My number is ( ).

Thanks,

Coach Brown

Email of the Day: Poaching Prep School Players?

Posted on September 10, 2018 by Mike

This email exchange involves a marketing email sent out by Prep School Sports Connection to all the attendees at a large sports camp. One of the recipients was an athlete whose dad is the Director of Admission at a prep school. The dad is concerned that PSSC is trying to lure students away from his school.

Mike,

We too have a relationship with similar organizations. However, we scrub our list each time to be sure we aren’t creating the perception of poaching players already at peer independent schools. Your email will do more than ruffle a few feathers if it lands in the inbox of players already at boarding schools. Do with this information what you will, but I see no good coming of this approach. I can see more than a few coaches being upset and marching into the offices of admission and compromising the work you do with so many kids.

Elliott

Elliott,
Here are my complete thoughts in response to your email.

When I first started sending these emails out, I knew some of the kids receiving them attended prep schools. Sending to them seemed ridiculous to me. A waste, if nothing else, or counterproductive, as you suggest. I’ve learned that it’s not. Like most mass marketing, 90% of the time I get no response at all to my emails. When I do get a response, it’s usually that they’re already at a prep school and to take them off the list (which I do right away). Sometimes I get something else. Here are some of the ways I’ve discovered emailing prep school families can be beneficial.

• The most common of the beneficial responses are families who tell me their kids are at prep school and want to share their experiences (mostly good) with me. They believe in prep school and what I’m doing and want to contribute information. That’s tremendously helpful to me.
• Sometimes there are prep school seniors who want a PG year and need to take it at a different school. A very small percentage for sure. Still, I get those responses.
• Every so often, I’ll also get a call from a coach asking how we can work together so he can get some of my players. He recognizes what I’m doing and wants to benefit.
• Some parents contact me because they have a younger child considering prep school. The child almost always plays a different sport and is usually a different gender. Despite the success of the older child’s prep school choice, the parents are not as comfortable finding the right spot for the younger child and want to talk about getting help
• A couple months ago I got a call from the mom of a kid at Oak Hill. She said the timing of my email was great because the coach had just sat the kid down two days ago, told him he was unlikely to play much next year and suggested he transfer. The parents, having already picked the wrong school once didn’t need to be sold on getting help the second time around. This was an underclass kid already getting legit high major recruitment. I don’t want to miss those.
• On pretty rare occasions I will get a kid, not a senior, who is unhappy and wants to switch prep schools. When it does happen, if I know the coach, calling him is often my first step. I like to think I can help the process and the more I know, the more I can help. Plus, coaches generally aren’t naïve and want to know what’s going on. Again, it helps if I know the coach. It happened once last year. I called the coach. He wasn’t surprised and said the kid and family were a huge pain in the ass. He was happy to talk, explained the situation and told me I’d be doing him a favor if I found the kid a different school. When I spoke to the parents again I was able to give them some pretty blunt direction about where I thought they might be going wrong with their thought process, and I did it without giving away that I’d talked to the coach.

Again, none of these is very common, but together they happen fairly regularly, and they add up.

You could say I’m playing for the exception rather than the rule and technically you’d be right. Why take the risk at all? It’s a fair question. The answer is, in the handful of years I’ve been sending these out, the email I received from you is the only one of that type that I can remember (and there are a lot of the usual schools on the list). Maybe I’m not paying a price after all. Perhaps I’m paying a price and just don’t know it (or don’t want to know it). Maybe schools are mad and holding it against me and just not telling me. It’s certainly possible, but I spend an awful lot of time at many of these schools, as you know, and have a lot of relationships. My sense is that they’re not holding it against me. I think most coaches recognize my emails for what they are, mass marketing that all the kids get these days, not something specifically targeting their kids, so they brush it off and move on.

Thanks again for your feedback. I do appreciate it. If you have any more, please share it.

Talk to you soon.

Mike

Let’s Compare: Responsibility?

Posted on June 1, 2018 by Mike

Taylor is a post-grad who got full aid plus spending money and plane fare to one of the top 10 prep schools in the country. He was hoping to earn a college scholarship after his PG year, but wasn’t quite good enough. Still, he and his family got what almost every family hopes for – a very top academic D3 school with a list price of $70,000 for less than $5,000/yr. Instead, he’s chosen to go to junior college. This is a problem for his prep school coach, the prep school admissions office, the prep school college counseling office and the prep school itself. The school’s list of college matriculations is nothing short of incredible. That’s why families from around the world are willing to write the check for $65,000/yr. to attend. The school doesn’t hand out full financial aid so kids can go to junior college when they’ve got infinitely better options. The school knows not everyone’s a scholarship athlete. They’re fine with that. But picking a junior college over a top D3 for no good reason is not acceptable, especially when the family told the prep school twice before being accepted that they would take the right D3 offer if they didn’t get a scholarship. Now that the junior college decision has been made, this family has no qualms or guilt and apparently feels no responsibility to the school or others, especially the next kid who wants the same opportunity and now might not get it .

Haley is a freshman star three sport athlete who gets nearly full aid to attend a very good prep school. She’s already one of the most popular and respected students on campus, both with faculty and other students. When her school deal was originally finalized she said she felt a responsibility to live up to what was expected of her. At the end of her highly successful first year, she was very proud of her success. One of the reasons, she said, was the pressure she felt because she knew she wasn’t just trying to achieve her own goals. She also knew she was representing other people and any future girls who wanted the chance she got. She’d been given something great, something she loved, and wanted to live up to it.

Email of the Day: Problem Parents / Too Many Schools

Posted on February 9, 2017 by Mike

These days it’s much more common than it used to be to find kids changing schools multiple times during their high school years. It’s something of an epidemic. I think it’s consistent with the overall mentality of immediate satisfaction in our society today, and it’s not good.

Here’s an email I wrote to some parents whose child must be close to some kind of record for number of schools attended (6 in 3 states), especially for a very good student.

Ron,

For 30 years I’ve guided families through the prep school and college process. It’s my full time job. I get paid to do it. I help families in similar situations every year, and my guidance almost always pays for itself. In your case, I wish I could help, but I can’t.

I’ve watched the highlight videos and I’ve been doing some homework on your situation. The pieces are coming together.

You and your wife are friendly, highly educated people. I’ve always enjoyed the conversations you and I have had, but you completely lost your sense of reality on this topic a long time ago. On my website, there’s a section of blogs entitled “Otherwise likeable, intelligent people”. You’ve made the list. If it’s accurate (or even close) that your son has attended six different schools in three different states since he started high school, that’s a huge red flag. It’s so bad in so many ways, I almost don’t know where to start, but here’s where it ends. I’m going to tell you what you don’t want to hear. You’re a problem parent, and that’s holding your son back more than anything else in this equation.

Your son has scholarship level athleticism (although he doesn’t play the game that well). It’s realistic to think he could get a D2 or NAIA offer, and he still might. However, if his academic profile is as you described (3.4 GPA, 1700+ SAT), the much better choice, the smarter choice, is a very good D3 school (a UAA, a NESCAC or similar school) for the next four years. He’d get a great education, have a great basketball experience, and, finally, get some stability.

Given your history, I expect you will choose a JuCo for a year or two, then yet another school after that. I said at the beginning I’d like to help, but I can’t. I’d have to tell college coaches about your son’s history and that they’re asking for trouble if they take him (although they almost assuredly would know it without me telling them). They’d ask me why. I’d tell them the parents are a big problem. Then they’d ask me why I bothered contacting them in the first place, and they’d be right.

Sorry for being blunt. I’ll call you later to discuss.

Thanks.

Mike

Looking Back: Michael Wright – Missed Opportunities

Posted on September 28, 2015 by Mike

As a college freshman, Michael Wright made an immediate impact on the football team. He became a starter after only one game before getting hurt and missing most of the season. In his second year, he picked up right where he left off. Not only is he starting as a redshirt freshman, he’s far and away the team’s best receiver. No one else is even close.

Most would say this is great and that in deciding on his current university he made the right choice. After all, he’s having the kind of success that every athlete and parent hopes for, but few ever find. He’s a star who’s going to have a great career. Everyone’s happy and excited. On the surface, it’s hard to argue with that. Let’s take a closer look.

Despite seemingly obvious talent, Michael had few options coming out of HS. Playing in a small town with limited exposure and support, not many colleges showed interest. At that point, prep school was an option. In the spring of his senior year, he finally received a partial offer from one of the lowest D1 FCS teams. Ready to take it, he then received a full offer from a decent FCS program. Once he got those offers, his interest in prep school ended. He took the second scholarship offer, saying it was a great opportunity. On the surface, it was hard to argue with that. This kid from a difficult background was going to play D1 ball while getting a free education. Isn’t that the goal?

Prep school would have been a dramatically better choice. Here’s why:

Better Education (This is supposed to be most important, right?)
1. He would have gotten two much better, life-changing educations
  1. Prep School
    1. He would have attended one of the top five academic prep schools in the world
      1. He would have learned to be a better student
        
        He would have been better prepared to get higher grades in college.
  2. College
    1. The prep school education would have propelled him to a much better academic college
      1. He would be at an Ivy or Patriot League school, or a place like Rice, Boston College, or similar
        
        The college he’s attending now provides an average education
Incredible Connections
1. Prep school and college
  1. He would have made incredible contacts that would last a lifetime
    1. His friends would have been the kids who will be running this country twenty years from now
      1. He’s not getting anything close to that at his college
Higher level of college ball
1. This was a given after a year of prep school
  1. His immediate success at his current school likely proves that he could play at a much higher level
    1. Instead of playing for a non-noteworthy school, he could be playing at a big-time school like Vanderbilt, Boston College, Northwestern, etc.
Better life preparation and perspective
1. The extra year of maturity at prep school is an invaluable one-time opportunity

This is not second-guessing. This has nothing to do with the success he’s found at college. These were the options, and this was all discussed, from the start. The success he’s had only reinforces the point.

Some families would have taken the prep school option. Why didn’t Michael’s? Perhaps they didn’t listen to the right people. Or maybe, contrary to what he said, he just didn’t believe enough in himself and his talent.

It’s not that they made a bad decision, it’s that there was a much better one. He and his family could have had so much more. They had an asset, an investment, that they failed to get the most out of. All parents want their child to develop as fully as possible. The Wrights missed an opportunity to do this. They also missed out on tangible benefits. It’s pretty easy to make the case that Michael’s lifetime earnings will be dramatically lower than they would have been if he’d opted for prep school.

PG Year – Wasted Time and Money?

Posted on June 24, 2015 by Mike

Cameron had a good senior year playing for a low profile high school and received only D3 offers. She and her parents decided to invest their time and money in a post-graduate year, believing she had the potential to get scholarship offers.

By all accounts, Cameron played very well in her PG year. At the end of the season she took two official visits to NCAA D2 schools, but did not receive a scholarship offer from either. She was also offered a preferred walk-on spot at two mid-level D1 schools, one of which she accepted.

Many would look at this situation and say the decision to attend prep school was a bad one, a waste of time and money. While Cameron and her parents certainly had some disappointment, a closer look reveals a very good decision.

Cost: This is often a big part of a PG year decision, and understandably so. Cameron’s family invested about $15,000 and got no scholarship to show for it. What they did get is an extra $12,000 per year in college financial aid. That’s what the school they chose offered compared to offers from similar schools that did not recruit her for basketball. That’s a payback of three times what they invested. That alone makes the PG year an easy justification and a great choice.
Lower basketball risk: Cameron could have walked-on at a D1 school after HS, but the risks would have been much greater. She would not have been a preferred walk-on, so she might not have even made the team. She’d only have about a week to prove herself. As a preferred walk-on she is virtually assured a spot on the team. She’s also a better player than she was a year ago. The D2 offers are objective proof of that. Those offers prove it’s not unreasonable to think she can play at the D1 level, and possibly earn a scholarship. (It’s hard to overstate the value of that information in today’s sports world, where so many kids and parents struggle to accurately assess the athlete’s talent level). The PG year closed the talent gap, while reducing the risk once she gets there.
Lower academic risk: A below average student, by all accounts she needed an extra year to figure out how to get her inherent intelligence to show up in her school work. As it turned out, she did just that. A different learning environment, in addition to being away from home, allowed her to achieve better grades than she did in high school. She’s now better prepared to handle the tougher course work in college. It also boosted her confidence in the classroom, which will increase her chances of success in college.
Lower overall risk: Most families don’t understand the time and other demands of playing a sport at the D1 level. Combined with the more difficult classroom work, the athlete’s maturity is tested immediately and often. College has also changed since today’s parents attended. A much larger percentage of students are not graduating, or are taking more than four years to do it. Certainly the financial risks are greater. College debt is arguably the largest financial problem in the country today. Cameron’s transitional year of prep school did exactly what a PG year is supposed to do. It gave her the opportunity to mature as a person while reducing all of these risks.

No, Cameron didn’t get a scholarship – yet, but the PG year was subtly a very good intermediate step towards overall success. It allowed her to keep the dream alive and saved her family over $30,000, while getting all the other educational and maturity benefits and minimizing the risks. They would tell you it was still an excellent choice.

Prep School Sports Connection

Matching Athletes With Prep Schools

Category Archives: Case Studies – What Can We Learn?

Changing Prep Schools Too Many Times

Email of the Day: Playing Time = Final School Choice?

Email of the Day: Poaching Prep School Players?

Looking Back: Michael Wright – Missed Opportunities