Category Archives: Email of the Day

Changing Prep Schools Too Many Times

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Too many families these days make the mistake of changing prep schools (and colleges) for the wrong reasons and/or too many times. These emails are part of an exchange between me and a parent who contacted me looking for advice on having his child change prep schools. This same parent opted not to hire me a year ago when the child last switched schools. This is the child’s third school in four years (one public, one parochial, one prep (he reclassed)) and they want to switch to a fourth school for his final year. His younger brother also currently attends the same school and they would like the two to stay together.

 

Kyle,
I tend to look at a much bigger picture than most families and others involved in the process. In your case, I think Michael should stay at his current prep school. After 3 schools in 4 years, it’s pretty clear the problem isn’t the schools, it’s Michael, you and his mom. You are the common denominator. If your goal is to best position yourselves for the future, the best thing you can do right now is to stick it out for once. That will start to try to reverse the bad foundation you’ve laid and the bad habit you’re all in of picking the wrong school and/or leaving when things get tough. (As it stands now, you’re likely to keep doing the same thing when he gets to college.) I think the best plan for everyone is to stay where he is and hire me now to help you with the college process. That’s the big picture.

If you want to just look at the smaller picture and decide you definitely want to change schools, I have a couple that I think are exactly what you’re looking for. I said yesterday that you can’t afford to make another mistake, but there’s another way to look at it that’s probably more accurate or at least more realistic. At this point, from a basketball standpoint, you have nothing to lose. You know you’re not going to get the basketball you want at his current school next year and you’ve already been to 3 schools so one more isn’t going to make much of a difference. If you want to, you can definitely put him in a better overall basketball situation for his last year. This will put him in the best position to be recruited and ready to play at the college level.

I know that ideally, Sam would move to the same school as Michael. The schools I have in mind could both accommodate and be good matches for Sam as well.

 

Mike

 

Dad’s response:

Mike,

I appreciate you keeping it real.  Kris and I both deep down felt the right move is to stick it out at his current school.  Michael loves the school, academics are great, etc.

Kris and I plan to have a call with his AD and coach and express our concerns, give them a chance.  You are right, Michael needs to stick it out and us supporting his habit of when it gets tough roll out needs to stop.

 

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Email of the Day: Playing Time = Final School Choice?

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There is a lot packed into these emails, much of it high-level thinking. While there are some flaws, there’s plenty to be learned and absorbed.

The athlete, a junior quarterback, writes a difficult email (that many, less mature, athletes would simply avoid) in an honest and heartfelt way. The coach’s response is exemplary, first-class, the kind you’d hope for from the adult coaching your child. 

 

Coach Brown,


I don’t really have an easy way to say this. However, after deep prayerful consideration and a lot of soul searching, I have decided that (another school) is going to be my top choice. While I haven’t heard officially from either school, I pride myself on being a person of integrity and I wanted to let you know as soon as I made my choice so that you had time to get a QB as soon as possible.


Up until the last day or two, I was 100% set on your school. It has kind of been a whirlwind, but for some reason there was something off in my reaction yesterday when I got off the phone with you. My reaction made me realize that something was not right in the back of my mind. I guess I felt stressed because even though you have been completely transparent and amazing, I realized that I don’t want to go into another situation where I would be competing for a position. While it might seem strange to others, and even though I feel confident about having the skills to win the position, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that that was having a much bigger impact on me than I realized. I think that is only based upon my experiences in the past few years and it kind of stuck with me. The other, bigger reason, is that even though my parents kept asking if I would be okay with the distance, it sort of hit me about my level of support network that I have up here in Pennsylvania/ New Jersey. My immediate family and extended family are extremely tight. The more I prayed on it and thought on it I realized that being an hour or so away is much better for me than being five hours away. The impact of not being able to see my family, coaches and friends for an extended period of time did not worry me as much until the past couple of days. What I can’t figure out is why it didn’t truly hit me until after I got off the phone with you. I guess my gut was telling me something that I wasn’t ready to process until now.
I truly apologize from the bottom of my heart for making your job more difficult. Recruiting is a really rough process for all parties involved – especially when everyone has to base everything on waiting for admissions. (Your school) is extremely impressive from top to bottom. While I know I would thrive in either place, I think for me and my mindset, I will be better off closer to my family. Again, I am sorry for making the decision so late and I truly apologize. I will 100% be following you guys and praying for your entire school for the coming years. My family and I have the utmost respect for you and while I am sad that I will not be coached by you, I do feel at peace with my decision. It has been such a pleasure to have met you and have come in contact with such an amazing school. Being able to even talk to you as little as I have, has made an amazing impact on me and my entire family. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I am truly forever grateful.


Sincerely,

Peter

 

 

Hello Peter,

Thanks for the email. If you think school (the other school) is best for your academics, then you should go there. What you should not allow to happen is the presence of other players at your position making you decide to go to that school.

First, you will always have players at your position. In college, every year, the college coach is going to try to bring in someone to beat you out. You have to be mentally tough enough and confident enough in yourself to fight through competition. If your confidence is battered by what happened at your previous school, then this can be the place you rebuild that belief in yourself. The competition will only make you better. You cannot run from competition–you need to embrace it. This is part of growing up. Second, I have made it very clear what I think of your skill set vs. the guys who are here. While I could never tell a player a starting position is his, I will always be honest about my appraisal, which I have been with you. I cannot have it get out that I guaranteed you would beat out the guys who are here. I can say with confidence that I think you will. Even with that, I have to be careful to be respectful of the guys who are in our program right now. If they heard I was “trashing” them, I would lose all credibility with those players.

I encourage you to rethink through this process. I cannot speak to what you experienced at your previous school, but I have been very clear with you every step of the way where we were and how we would handle you. (My school) has the full package for you. All the boys are far from home and bond together in a very supportive brotherhood. I think you would love it and thrive here. Don’t let the fact that we have a couple guys at your position scare you away from the school you were sold on for so long. I fear you have a case of “buyer’s remorse.” It is only natural to get a little case of cold feet when making a commitment like this. You were sold on (my school) for a long time based on very good reasons and sound judgement. You are now changing your mind to (the other school) at the last second for reasons much less sound. Please take another night and think this over.

I would love to get on the phone with you today. If you are not comfortable with this, I understand. My number is (   ).

Thanks,

Coach Brown

 

 

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Email of the Day: Help Finding a School

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“I have been going through your website this morning, reading many of the emails, and responses, included at the bottom of the site.
I can only say that I wish I had found your site prior to my son applying to prep schools this year. The process of finding the correct school, and navigating the entire process, is not an easy one – particularly for those who have no experience.
We are currently awaiting decisions on March 10th, having applied to four schools.
Although I didn’t find your site in time, I hope that I can still benefit from it.”

 


This email is from a parent who happened to find my site after going through the application process on his own. The thoughts he shares offer a helpful perspective to many families who may apply to prep schools in the future.

 

 

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Email of the Day: PG Year Goals and Perspective

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This email is from a parent interested in a post-graduate year for his child:

 

Mike,

Two more questions/comments for you about a PG year.

 

First, a question. In a post-grad year, how do schools tailor the education plan? Is it based on each student or is it just as if he were taking HS/College type classes? To say it another way, in Oscar’s case, his biggest focus is test scores, so would they simply shove him in a closet and give him a test review course?  For the record, I am fine with and endorse shoving him in a closet with a SAT review book and laptop.

 

Now, a comment. While we would most certainly welcome a D1 offer if that was the result of us choosing prep school (I mean who wouldn’t), that would just be a bonus. To us, a D3 offer at a high academic school is more than a win. I think Oscar is a bubble recruit right now at D3 schools like Case, Rochester, Franklin and Marshall, Dickinson, Washington and Lee and Union. If a post grad year could flip a couple of these from the their “nice to have list” to their “must have” list, then that would certainly be a successful PG year for us. Williams College is on it’s own list. They really seem sincere in wanting him, but just cannot get him in with an 1150 SAT. They have really made it clear that a 1350 SAT and he’s getting in, and at 1300 they can probably use a token. I’ve used too many words to make my point here……. which is we would have reasonable expectations going into this.

 

Thanks.

 

Matt

 

 

My Response:

Matt,

Your overall goals for a PG year are perfect. (You’d be amazed at how few times I get to say that to parents.) I love your honesty (if not your priorities 🙂 ) and sense of humor regarding PG classes vs test prep. That kind of straight feedback is worth more than you know –  to me, to prep schools and to the colleges recruiting your child.

Here’s the answer to your question. If you send him to a basketball factory, he has the option of just studying for the SAT. If you send him to any kind of a real prep school, he’s going to take a full schedule that includes the next level of classes from what he’s taking now. If he’s taking pre-calculus now, he’s going to take calculus as a PG. If he’s taking Spanish 4 now, he’ll take Spanish 5. That doesn’t mean all his classes are completely by the book. One of the best things about a PG year is the one-time opportunity to explore electives or classes the student wouldn’t normally try. There is flexibility in class choice based on the individual student.

A real prep school is what you should want, for several reasons.

  1. Those real classes are going to help him get a better test score.
  2. He can earn college credits, possibly a significant amount.
  3. It’ll hurt your chances of getting to that next level of admission with the top level colleges if he only takes SAT prep. They want to see him challenging himself and showing intellectual curiosity.
  4. One of his PG year courses can still be an SAT prep course

Remember, the best prep schools have tremendous clout with the top level colleges. Why not take advantage of that? In other words, if you understand the facts, there’s no reason to think you have to sacrifice. You can get everything.

 

Your comment about PG year outcomes shows me your awareness as a parent is right on the money and ahead of the curve. Normally, when a parent tells me how reasonable they are, I can be pretty sure they’re not. In this case, your expectations and goals are very reasonable. I would add that if using a PG year to get him to the top level academic D3 schools is a successful outcome for you, then prep school is probably what you should do next year, regardless of what happens the rest of his senior year. I think it’s just about that simple. While we’re discussing awareness, let’s remember almost every family would give an awful lot to know their child was going to be admitted the schools with the academic rating of those on your list. You’re in a very good position.

Thanks.

 

Mike

 

 

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Email of the Day: Poaching Prep School Players?

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This email exchange involves a marketing email sent out by Prep School Sports Connection to all the attendees at a large sports camp. One of the recipients was an athlete whose dad is the Director of Admission at a prep school. The dad is concerned that PSSC is trying to lure students away from his school.

 

 

Mike,

We too have a relationship with similar organizations. However, we scrub our list each time to be sure we aren’t creating the perception of poaching players already at peer independent schools. Your email will do more than ruffle a few feathers if it lands in the inbox of players already at boarding schools. Do with this information what you will, but I see no good coming of this approach. I can see more than a few coaches being upset and marching into the offices of admission and compromising the work you do with so many kids.

Elliott

 

 

Elliott,
Here are my complete thoughts in response to your email.

When I first started sending these emails out, I knew some of the kids receiving them attended prep schools. Sending to them seemed ridiculous to me. A waste, if nothing else, or counterproductive, as you suggest. I’ve learned that it’s not. Like most mass marketing, 90% of the time I get no response at all to my emails. When I do get a response, it’s usually that they’re already at a prep school and to take them off the list (which I do right away). Sometimes I get something else. Here are some of the ways I’ve discovered emailing prep school families can be beneficial.

• The most common of the beneficial responses are families who tell me their kids are at prep school and want to share their experiences (mostly good) with me. They believe in prep school and what I’m doing and want to contribute information. That’s tremendously helpful to me.
• Sometimes there are prep school seniors who want a PG year and need to take it at a different school. A very small percentage for sure. Still, I get those responses.
• Every so often, I’ll also get a call from a coach asking how we can work together so he can get some of my players. He recognizes what I’m doing and wants to benefit.
• Some parents contact me because they have a younger child considering prep school. The child almost always plays a different sport and is usually a different gender. Despite the success of the older child’s prep school choice, the parents are not as comfortable finding the right spot for the younger child and want to talk about getting help
• A couple months ago I got a call from the mom of a kid at Oak Hill. She said the timing of my email was great because the coach had just sat the kid down two days ago, told him he was unlikely to play much next year and suggested he transfer. The parents, having already picked the wrong school once didn’t need to be sold on getting help the second time around. This was an underclass kid already getting legit high major recruitment. I don’t want to miss those.
• On pretty rare occasions I will get a kid, not a senior, who is unhappy and wants to switch prep schools. When it does happen, if I know the coach, calling him is often my first step. I like to think I can help the process and the more I know, the more I can help. Plus, coaches generally aren’t naïve and want to know what’s going on. Again, it helps if I know the coach. It happened once last year. I called the coach. He wasn’t surprised and said the kid and family were a huge pain in the ass. He was happy to talk, explained the situation and told me I’d be doing him a favor if I found the kid a different school. When I spoke to the parents again I was able to give them some pretty blunt direction about where I thought they might be going wrong with their thought process, and I did it without giving away that I’d talked to the coach.

Again, none of these is very common, but together they happen fairly regularly, and they add up.

You could say I’m playing for the exception rather than the rule and technically you’d be right. Why take the risk at all? It’s a fair question. The answer is, in the handful of years I’ve been sending these out, the email I received from you is the only one of that type that I can remember (and there are a lot of the usual schools on the list). Maybe I’m not paying a price after all. Perhaps I’m paying a price and just don’t know it (or don’t want to know it). Maybe schools are mad and holding it against me and just not telling me. It’s certainly possible, but I spend an awful lot of time at many of these schools, as you know, and have a lot of relationships. My sense is that they’re not holding it against me. I think most coaches recognize my emails for what they are, mass marketing that all the kids get these days, not something specifically targeting their kids, so they brush it off and move on.

Thanks again for your feedback. I do appreciate it. If you have any more, please share it.

Talk to you soon.

 

Mike

 

 

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Email of the Day: Thank You

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Hi Mike,
I just wanted to say there’s hardly a day around our house that we don’t thank you. We truly believe Hannah is at the right school. We went to visit for orientation day and the coach made sure that one of the hockey girls was Hannah’s guide for the day. He and all of the team came to meet her and have lunch with her. Hannah loved the girls that she met. The coach and his wife came to meet us before we started our seminars, then gave us a private tour. The school was beautiful! More than we could have imagined. Hannah said she loved the feel of the school and also found the teachers had a great sense of humor. So again, we thank you!!!

 

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Email of the Day: Problem Parents / Too Many Schools

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These days it’s much more common than it used to be to find kids changing schools multiple times during their high school years. It’s something of an epidemic. I think it’s consistent with the overall mentality of immediate satisfaction in our society today, and it’s not good.

Here’s an email I wrote to some parents whose child must be close to some kind of record for number of schools attended (6 in 3 states), especially for a very good student.

 

Ron,

For 30 years I’ve guided families through the prep school and college process. It’s my full time job. I get paid to do it. I help families in similar situations every year, and my guidance almost always pays for itself. In your case, I wish I could help, but I can’t.

I’ve watched the highlight videos and I’ve been doing some homework on your situation. The pieces are coming together.

You and your wife are friendly, highly educated people. I’ve always enjoyed the conversations you and I have had, but you completely lost your sense of reality on this topic a long time ago. On my website, there’s a section of blogs entitled “Otherwise likeable, intelligent people”. You’ve made the list. If it’s accurate (or even close) that your son has attended six different schools in three different states since he started high school, that’s a huge red flag. It’s so bad in so many ways, I almost don’t know where to start, but here’s where it ends. I’m going to tell you what you don’t want to hear. You’re a problem parent, and that’s holding your son back more than anything else in this equation.

Your son has scholarship level athleticism (although he doesn’t play the game that well). It’s realistic to think he could get a D2 or NAIA offer, and he still might. However, if his academic profile is as you described (3.4 GPA, 1700+ SAT), the much better choice, the smarter choice, is a very good D3 school (a UAA, a NESCAC or similar school) for the next four years. He’d get a great education, have a great basketball experience, and, finally, get some stability.

Given your history, I expect you will choose a JuCo for a year or two, then yet another school after that. I said at the beginning I’d like to help, but I can’t. I’d have to tell college coaches about your son’s history and that they’re asking for trouble if they take him (although they almost assuredly would know it without me telling them). They’d ask me why. I’d tell them the parents are a big problem. Then they’d ask me why I bothered contacting them in the first place, and they’d be right.

Sorry for being blunt. I’ll call you later to discuss.

Thanks.

 

Mike

 

 

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